SEXLESS MARRIAGE
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Sex begins with sexual attraction, one’s first feeling of
sexual attraction may occur as early as
9 to 12 years of teenage with inception of sexual fantasies occurring
several months or so. This type of sexual development may be followed by a
surge of sexual interest and attractions.
What
is sexual attraction?
Sexual attraction is the erotic feeling in which an
individual whether male or female feel that causes them to desire sexual
contact with other person of opposite sex. Various biological, psychological
and emotional factors influence the sexual desire.
Sexual attraction is the desire to be sexual or to engage in sexual activities like masturbation, oral sex, vaginal
intercourse, anal stimulation or anal intercourse. Sexual attraction varies
from person to person. Some individuals have a high attraction, while some
others have no desire to engage in sexual activities.
Sexual attraction and sexual activities are very natural.
Since childhood these begin in human being of all gender. These feeling are as
natural as oxygen to breath, food and water to survive. Everyone knows and understand
that all humans come through sexual reproduction, they watched
others in their social group have intercourse and through instinct, emulation
and they felt good and they got the job done.
Does sexual attraction leads to marriage?
Though, sex is the natural and very common feeling and
interest of everyone. Nowadays, in many
culture, religion, civilisation, sex without attraction or without consent from
adult partner is prohibited. This type
of intercourse fall in the category of fornication.
If we discuss
about sex in Stone age, or before civilisation. Perhaps there was no specific system
of male female relationship. So many male and female used to live all together
in loosely organised groups, many women shared by them, even woman was free to
choose any man of her choice for intercourse. In this type of relationship,
when women used to become mother, it would had been difficult to identify the
exact biological father of that child.
As the passed and with the demand of change. As male leaders of hunter gatherers settle
down into agrarian civilisation had a need for more stable and systematic arrangements
of living together for love, sex, and intercourse. Perhaps this was the
beginning of family institution or marriage.
According to various surveys the origin of marriage dates
well before recorded history, but the earliest recorded evidence of marriage
ceremonies uniting one woman and one man dates from about 2350 B.C. in Mesopotamia. Over the next several hundred years,
marriage evolved into a widespread institution embraced by ancient societies
and cultures.
Importance
of marriage
Marriage is an important institution in society, as it
fulfils the entire functions of socialisation of the eligible male and female
and socially accepted reproduction of the next generation. Marriage is also essential for the cohesion and social
solidarity of civilised society.
Marriage also fulfils the desire of sex along with the
love and attraction in legal, family, and socially accepted manner. In marriage
sex becomes significant in ensuring the longevity of a relationship.
Type
of marriage
Since the beginning of long time relationship between man
and woman. The term of marriage
introduced. Marriage is a universal social institution. Nowadays it is found
and exist in almost every culture and societies.
Types or forms of marriage may varies in different
communities, cultural, religion according to their customs, practice and
system.
There may be several types of marriage exists, mainly few
of them are as follows—
Monogamy
Monogamy is considered as an ideal, widespread and
rational type of marriage, it is found in all civilised societies. It refers to
a marriage of one man with one woman at a time. This type of marriage supposed
to be life long, unbreakable in nature.
Polygyny
In polygyny marriage there are more than one partner. A
man can marry with more than one woman. In this marriage one or more women
share the same husband.
Polyandry
Polyandry is opposite of Polygyny marriage, in this
system of marriage woman marry with multiple men. Normally polyandry occurs
between a woman and brothers, this system refers to as fraternal polyandry. One
reason that polyandry might be the preferred marriage pattern for a particular
group is if there a shortage of women or family land is scarce. In this system
of marriage multiple men share the
single wife.
Endogamy
Endogamy is as same as group-in marriage. In this system
a man can marry with a woman of same group at a time, and woman of this group
can marry with a man belonging to the same group. According to sociologist Dr Rivers, call it as a kind of sexual
communism.
Benefits
of marriage
Sex is the main part of marriage along with love, care,
and intimacy of happy marriage and relationship. Regular sex can also offer
benefits for physical and psychological health including lowering stress, good
sound sleep and immune function. Both married man and woman deserve to feel
sexy, safe, and happy. Marriage also saves both the partner from various
problems, few of them are --
Protection
from sexually transmitted diseases.
Provides
respect in society and family.
Keep
away from being feel loneliness.
It
saves children too from violence and sexual abuse.
Marriage
keeps away both the partner from violence and sexual abuse.
Marriage
is good for mental health.
Married
couples are less depressed, less anxious than single, divorced or widowed.
Why
do marriages become Sexless
Though sex is permitted and socially accepted in marriage
institution, sexual relation is integral part of marriage, it strength the
relationship between couples, it bring them more closer, creates sexual
pleasure.
It is surprising
that marriage can become sexless. Marriage is license to intercourse between
married couples. Sometimes it happens that, there is no or very little sexual
relation between married couples.
The US National Health and Social Life Survey in 1992
found that 2% of married respondents aged 18 to 59 reported no sexual intimacy
in the past year. Comparatively 92% of married respondents aged 65 to 80
reported no sexual intimacy in the past year.
The definition of a non-sexual marriage is often
broadened to include those where sexual intimacy occurs fewer than 10 times per
year, in which case 20 percent of the couples in the National Health and Social
Life Survey would be in the category. Other studies show that 10% or less of
the married population below age 50 have not had sex in the past year. In
addition less than 20% reports having sex a few times per year, or even monthly,
under the age 40.
When this type of situation arises, this type of marriage
alliance is called Sexless marriage.
But this situation has to keep in mind also that temporary, no or very little sex due to normal illness, pregnancy, out of station tours due to work, any
essential engagement in family or any similar reasons, would not be considered
as sexless marriage.
Reasons
for sexless marriage
What abnormal
happens, when couple feel that their marriage is a sexless marriage. There might
be various reasons with man as well as woman, few of them might be as follows –
Physical
health
Healthy sex life need healthy sexual partner. A partner’s
overall physical health can have major impact on their sexual intimacy. If any
partner is suffering from chronic or prolong physical health problem like high
blood pressure, diabetes, arthritis. Due to any prolong disease if any one of
partner is unable to take part in sexual activities, it may lead to sexless
marriage.
Male
Sexual dysfunction
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It is very common health problem nowadays, it effects men
of all ages. It is the inability to get and keep an erection of penis firmly
for sexual intercourse. Due to this situation, Female partner gets irritated
and refuse to take part in sexual activities and the marriage convert into
sexless marriage.
Premature
ejaculation
It occurs when a man engage in intercourse with his wife
has an orgasm and ejaculates earlier than his wife. It is very common problem
among couples. Normally females take more time to get excited, and sexually
satisfy much later than her man. It is very irritating for them if man
ejaculates very early without satisfying their sexual desire. Sometimes women
start to avoid this type of man for sexual intercourse.
Psychological
causes
Along with genital parts of couple, brain also contribute a lot in love making and
intercourse. If any partner is facing mental problems, it will defiantly create
problem in relationship. Mental health issues have also been linked to a
decline in sexual desire and arousal. Specific issues might cause changes in
brain chemistry that decrease sexual desire. Mental health issues also include
–
Tension
Stress
Depression
Anxiety
Eating
disorder
Personality
disorder
Less
or no interest in sex.
Vaginismus
Vaginismus is the situation in which female’s vagina is
unable to take penis or other object inside due to contraction and tighten up
of vaginal nerves. This is automatic reaction to fear of some or all types of
vaginal penetration.
Due to this fear woman avoid to take part in sexual
activities, and this situation irritate her sexual partner.
Unwanted
marriage
Unwanted
marriage -- Sometime this type of situation arises when marriage
is done due to family, social pressure, but in actual, both are not interested
in marriage, husband might be gay.
and wife is lesbian.
Both don’t have sexual interest in opposite sex. Both are
not sexually satisfied, this leads to sexless relation.
Sexual
abuse
If before marriage, woman is sexually abused in her
childhood, teenage, she always feel fear to have sexual relation even with her
legally married husband, due to shame and family problems, she find herself
unable to discuss this problem with anyone. Normal sex is felt like sexual abuse,
and she can’t get ready herself for sex and intercourse.
Communication
problem
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When the couples are in conflict and arguments,
due to any issue, it can be difficult to maintain physical intimacy, sexual
relationship. Even they might not feel like talking to their partner.
Communication issues may be due to various reasons, few of those are—
Ego
problem
Negative
feeling
Punitive
or passive and aggressive behaviours
Power
struggles
Addiction
of pornography
Extra
marital affair
Female
sexual dysfunction
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Sex might be boring and useless due to female sexual
dysfunction, and may lead to sexless marriage. Following causes might
also be considered for sexless marriage --
Low
sexual desire and response
Lack
of orgasm
Sexual
arousal disorder
Dryness
in vagina
Preference
to masturbation
Persistent,
recurrent problems with sexual response, sexual desire, orgasm,
Depression
Emotional
divorce
Mismatched
libidos
Disadvantages
of sexless marriage
Happy marriage means a lot of happiness, emotional
attachment, full love, support and care between spouse, their children, and
other family members. Sexual activities bring two partners closer for life
long. But when there is absolutely no
sex or very little sex between partners, it might ruin happy married life. Couples becomes more like roommates than spouses.
Partner
start to feel -- less emotional, physical intimacy is
needed for couples to strength their emotional relationship. In lack of this
couples may also have less intense emotional connection.
Acrimony – when any one of the partner feels
that the need for physical intimacy are being ignored, for any reason- someone
might develop acrimony, which can ruin their relationship.
Repudiation – Physical intimacy brings spouse
closer, when someone feels that their need is
being denied, for any reason ,
they might feel repudiation, which might affect their relationship adversely .
Infidelity – Sexless marriage might be the main
reason of infidelity, that drive partners to look outside their relationship,
here it is to clear that less sex or no sex does not justify infidelity, but it
might happens.
Cheating – Sexless marriage is surely a
prominent reason for cheating. Quit often sexual desire compels people to
fulfil their need from anyone else other than spouse. So they take the risk of
cheating reason is they can’t live without sex.
It might be that cheaters are still in love and affection with their
partner, or never want to miss out on time with their children. While some
couples recover from their affairs, but for few, cheating may lead to
relationship breaker that ends the relationship.
How
to deal with sexless marriage
Happy marriage
sometime change into sexless marriage, due
to many factors and reasons.
Every time to blame
spouse is not the solution for sexless marriage. Sex is very personal
activity between married couple. If no sex in married life, It may look very
normal but it effect a lot adversely.
Sexless relationship need to be resolved as soon as
possible, otherwise in few cases it might create acute problem, which may lead
to separation or divorce.
It’s
not the issue which can’t be resolved. The necessity is that both
the partners are agree and willing to solve. Few tips might be helpful –
Caring
approach – Sex needs intimacy, love, care. Every time blaming,
shouting, accusation would never divert your spouse to come closer and
interested in sex. So in soft voice communicate your need and desire to your
spouse, it could lead to a healthier, happier sex life and happy marriage.
Sex
or emotional connection – Many males don’t even understand that
what comes first, sex or emotions,
generally observed that females are tender in nature, they needs to be
emotionally connected to have sex. Males presume that she just needs to open her legs and accept him always.
They think that to fulfil domestic, economical needs is enough for sex. Perhaps not, wife needs respect, love,
care, dignity. After all she legally married person, she got her own respect in
neighbourhood, society. She can’t acts
like a prostitute. So man needs to
understand that how to provide her all those feeling for which she deserve.
Find
out the reason of sexless marriage – Before reaching on any
sexual problem, first identify the problem, it normally happens that the real
issues don’t be discussed, any one hide the real problem and discuss about
other’s evils and shortcomings. So before reaching on any conclusion first try
to find out the real source of reason due to that, marriage is sexless.
Tackle
the major problems – less sex or no sex definitely causes
marriage issue, it might be possible that the sexual problems are an outermost feeling
of a more pervasive problem in married life. Be calm and discuss the problem
with your spouse in pleasant way.
To Conclude – Everyone have to keep in mind that
life is not ever lasting, after completing proper education, building strong
career, man and woman enter into married life. Both enjoy healthy sexual life
and have children. Then it becomes complete family. Good sex, intimacy, love
and care are the few essentials of healthy relationship. If due to any reason
there is less or no sex between souse, best way is to sit together, discuss
about the sexual need and desire of each other, spend quality time together.
This is the common practice in married life that the more sex you have, the
more sex you want. Every problem has suitable solution provided it is properly
discussed in pleasant manner, without blaming or shouting at each other. Advice
might be taken from parents, elders or from expert counsellor. Remember – cheating, separation or
divorce is not the only solution of sexless marriage.
FAQ
–
What
is sexless marriage ?
A sexless marriage is family and socially accepted
marital union in which very little or no sexual activity occurs between the
spouses.
Can
spouses live happy in sexless marriage ?
It depends on the mind set and attitude of couples, few
adjust themselves with the time, they
divert their attention from sex. Engage themselves in meditation, yoga, spend
more time in family and social activities.
Does
sexless marriage effects adversely ?
In few cases, this can lead to the psychological effects,
various health problems like Depression, Anxiety, Irritation, Anger can become
common consequences of a sexless marriage.
Can
the problem of sexless marriage be resolved?
Yes, it is not any kind of incurable problem, it can be
resolved with help of change in attitude, behaviour, help of expert advice,
family counselling etc.
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Sources -- jitendrasxnblogs / site has strict sourcing guidelines and relies on peer reviewed studies, academic research institutions, related books and journals. we always avoid using inauthentic references.
Disclaimer – This
article/blog is for information purpose only. But by no means it is a complete and exhaustive explanation on the whole topic. This blog is intended for individual of 18 years or older. This
blog does not answer any personal question or provide any kind of sex advice, nor
it is intended as a substitute for
therapy.
There is a lot of truth here
ReplyDeleteIt is a fact that a man should get married then have sex and sex removes half of the tension
ReplyDelete