Why
Do People Cheat in Relationship
Do you agree that marriages are made in heaven? Some people
might be agreed and some might say a very
big No.
Marriage is social, legal and traditional union,
regulated by customs, culture, beliefs, rules, laws. Marriage is always between
two families, and performed with the prior consent and blessings of parents and
elders and properly supported and recognised by families & society, and
lifelong happily married relationship.
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On the other side, live-in relationship is just between
two people normally couples, who are not married but live together in the same
house, often engaged in romantic or sexually intimacy. It might be for short,
longer period of time or permanent basis.
Whether, the relationship is through legal marriage or
mutual live-in relationship. The foundation of any relation is trust, care and
unconditional love. But in few cases, why this happens that after some period
of time there is rift, misunderstanding, disbelief, decreasing level of love and
trust?
Unfortunately people very rarely discuss the topic of
cheating or infidelity and as a result, feelings can get seriously hurt. Some
people get upset when their partner even looks at other woman or man while
their partner is surprised because he or she would have never even thought that
this could be considered a problem. This is why it’s so important to actually
define infidelity in the relationship.
What is normal between the couples, Cheating is any
situation where either one of partner forms a secretive with somebody else
outside of the boundaries of what couple had previously agreed upon. It’s no
problem with a man looking at other woman with appreciation or forming close
friendship with female, as long as he is open and honest about it.
But it’s not appropriate, If he was to pursue a desire to
form a physically intimate bond with them, because it’s one thing to feel &
desirous towards somebody else, that can happens and he is not blamed for it,
but it’s another thing all together what he does about that desire. And when he
acts up on it, what couple had specifically agreed that we would not do. That
is cheating. But in relationship, you really need to find out what is best for
you. So according to research, historically men used to be likely to cheat, but
not by that much, however in recent years it seems that this balance has
started to even out with women straying approximately often as men do.
Let’s
try to explore few reasons of infidelity --
Dissatisfaction – A
very famous quote -- Love at first sight, doesn’t mean that couple knows
and really trust each other properly. Infatuation arises due to outer beauty,
sex appeal, status, job, financial and social status, wealth, but infatuation
doesn’t identify education level, status, honesty, human behaviour, attitude,
manners, way of thinking and living, commitment towards family, responsibilities,
dealing with problems etc.
It is very easy to dream, but very difficult to
materialise dreams into reality. As the time passes, love might get fades away,
if the right person is not chosen wisely, and the financial and sexual needs
are not fulfilled as expected. Then dissatisfaction arises, and dissatisfaction
might easily lead to infidelity. In few cases females are found to be more
likely to engage in cheating when they feels dissatisfied in their relationship
due to financial and sexual incompatible with their partner.
Less or no emotional connection – Relationship is based on trust and healthy emotional connection. It is the most important and inevitable for the couple to be emotionally connected with each other. Life is always not supposed to be path of rose buds, full of luxury, having fun, unnecessary spending money, It might be full of sorrow, ups and down as well. Relationship is a commitment to share all odd and even, taking care of all usual needs and desires, to respect emotions of each other.
But few couples don’t or don’t want to realise that how important is to
create, maintain, nurture a deep and honest connection in relationship.
Problems are always there in life, but when a wise couple is well connected and
facing the problem jointly, there would be a solution of every problem, and it
would be easy for them to face and solve the odds together. But every couple doesn’t
have that much patience and lose their confidence very early. This might be the
reason of cheating due to lack of emotional connection in the relationship.
Unsatisfied
sexual relation – Satisfactory sex is a natural biological
need of every long lasting relationship. Without sex no relationship is complete.
Sex might be a bond with your loving and affectionate partner, It provides
pleasure, fun and security in relationship.
In new relationship, couples like to think, bring and try
new techniques, fantasies, and experiences with each other to keep it fresh. Apart
from it the needs, fantasies, and other activities that turn them on keep
changing over time, that’s why, it’s so important for couples to communicate
about sex on a regular basis.
Without regular communication, small sexual desires may
be neglected or any of the partners might be too nervous to express something
extra or big that anyone from the couple wishes to try. This can leave one
member of a couple more likely to cheat and to look elsewhere to get their
sexual needs met. Initial attraction and sexual excitement always be there
between couples. So to avoid cheating and infidelity, couples must try to respect
sexual desires and do their best to fulfil the need of each other.
Men are supposed to take initiative in love, sex and
care. When women find their partner, unable, not capable to fulfil the
responsibilities, or feel, they are sexually incompatible with their loved one.
They are found to be more likely to engage in cheating when they feel
dissatisfied in their relationship.
Addiction – Addiction
of any kind, like alcohol or any drugs is just like termite which slowly but
completely ruins everything like physical health, financial stability, peace of
happy family, No one would never tolerate any addicted partner. Because for
habitual person, addiction is more important than partner, no emotional connection
with family.
Just imagine, a woman is waiting for her partner in
evening after work, but he is coming in late night in drunken stage, or
sometimes not returning home at all. All time wasting hard earned money on alcohol
and drugs. How long she would tolerate, or how long she would control on her
homely needs and sexual desires and why? In this type of situation the chances
of infidelity might be uncontrollable.
Sex
addiction – Relationship needs a lot of unconditional trust, love,
care, respect and support, in each and every situation of life. All days are
not the same as always, life is full of ups and down. In relationship it’s
mandatory to accept each other’s perfections and imperfections, and sharing of
every happiness and sorrow together willingly.
If any of the partners assume and that relationship is
just like an adult movie, and my partner should behave and act like porn star,
my opposite partner should be always ready to quench my every kind of sexual
desire weather normal or abnormal. Relationship is based on morals, social and
personal value, self respect, is it possible for the partner to go and behave
against all these? Or is it tolerable?
Mutual and consensual sex is always there and it’s
inevitable in healthy and happy relationship. But behave like sex manic or sex
addicted and demand for unusual, unnatural, untimely and excessive sex would
definitely hurt the emotions, destroy the entire relationship, and in this
situation the possibility would be very high for the partner to look for a
decent, humble, polite and normal behaviour person who doesn’t act and demand
like sex manic.
Loneliness –
For better opportunities, work nature, business commitments, often, couples
have to live apart from their loved one for a longer period of times, it
doesn’t mean that love between them would be washed away.
But if one of them is away for a longer period of time,
the other one would be entirely lonely, to get rid of this problem and to keep
themselves busy. One finds new friends, new activities that might involve
interacting with other people to fill the gap. The interaction might bring them
too close, they might begin to love each other, begin to enjoy the company of
new friend.
Although living apart doesn’t matter in true love, but
loneliness and physical, emotional need might compel them to cross the boundary
and it might be the most common cause of cheating.
Unnecessary
quarrel – Difference of opinion, conflict or disagreement is
very normal and inevitable in any relationship. But if it happens regularly, just to cover up own mistake, hide some
abnormal facts from other partner, unnecessary blaming, let down and humiliate
the partner without any justified reasons, without considering that how much it
could damage the peace and happiness of the family, relationship.
Any partner would not tolerate and stay in a relationship
where their self respect, is on stake. Regardless of the cause, this may act as
a strong motivator to become intimate with someone else and might enhance the
chances of infidelity.
Retaliation –
For some people, to cheat their partner might be easy without thinking that
this may get them emotionally hurt, angry and open the way to take revenge.
Whatever might be the reason, but people sometimes cheats out of anger or keep
trying to get revenge. To teach the partner to go through the same emotions
just to feel the pain they caused.
It might be the reaction of the action taken by the
partners, they played with my emotions and cheat me, now it’s my turn to teach
them a lesson by cheating them.
Opportunist
partner – Flickering minded partner always looks for an
opportunity to cheat, might be for more luxury, fun, more financial security,
better life, variety in sex. It doesn’t mean every couple fall is this category
and prefer to cheat.
It might happen when one partner is feeling frustrated
with the behaviour and distance in relationship, or feeling ignored in love and
affection. In this kind of situation, if someone offers companionship, physical
interest, appreciate beauty and sex appeal, invite to try something new,
infidelity is more likely to happen.
How
to safeguard your relationship
Unfortunately there is no facile solution to create
certain and permanent remedy that neither one of the partners will ever strong.
Sexual passion and desire is a very strong and unpredictable force that can
lead people to the risk their relationship, families, jobs, careers etc.
However there are things one can do to minimise the risk
of infidelity. The truth is that relationship, satisfaction is among the
stronger predictors of whether the partners will ever stray. So first of all,
have that conversation with your partner or spouse about what behaviour exactly
are not appropriate for you. And then make sure to work on your connection
together. A relationship is a living orgasm that keeps always changing and
evolving and if you don’t stay on top of it, then life’s challenges and
temptation will get on top of your connection.
Primary reason is that people quote for not cheating on their partner is feeling happy together. Other reasons quoted are not willing to feel quietly or fear that their partner might retaliate and cheat on them as revenge, so they would rather not risk that. But the most important one is feeling happy with your partner, and both need to start seeing the relationship as this gorgeous, delicate flower that requires daily attention and care in order to bloom and therein , but if the infidelity does happens, there are ways to repair it and to stay together.
Ultimately it’s
always a personal choice whether a person stays in the relationship after they
cheated or were cheated on, but many couples do stay together. Mainly, if they decide to work on their problems and to
face their challenges without denial. You have to prove your dedicated, honest,
faithful relationship, work and behave accordingly. It might be easy to
cheat, but really very unbearable and painful to be cheated. So always try to avoid infidelity.
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Sources –
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Disclaimer –
This article / blog is for information purpose only, but by no means it is a
complete and exhaustive explanation on the whole topic. This blog is strictly
intended for individual of 18 years or older. This blog / site never answer any
kind of sex advice, nor it is intended as a substitute for therapy.
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